Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Top 5 reasons you're UNHAPPY


1.  You make too many assumptions.  

Do you have the urge to fill the void of the unknown?  Does it drive you crazy when you don't have all of the answers?  Do you then use your imagination to fill those voids?  You don't know why someones running late so you imagine all of the things that could possibly keeping them.  You imagine that they were in an accident, maybe they ran out of gas, maybe they stopped to see someone else, maybe they are going to flake, maybe they don't care about you...  Your imagination and run wild with reasons why someone does something, but you don't really know the answer.  What would happen to you if you just sat back and waited for the explination?  Would it really hurt you if you didn't know? The easiest way to cure your habit of making assumptions would be to first BE PATIENT.  The answers will come eventually.  If you jump the gun and try to fill a void, you can usually just be patient and you will have your answer.  Secondly, ASK QUESTIONS.  If there is something you don't know, ASK!  Do not invent reason with your imagination before you ASK.  Lastly, LISTEN to all of the facts before judging.  If you do not hear someone's full explination, then you are simply creating the drama in your own head.

2. You take things personally.

Do you really care what other people say or think?  No one on this earth ever does anything in spite of you, they do it in spite of themselves.  People judge each other, are cruel to one another, and hurt one another, not because of what the other person did or is, but because of who they are and what they think.  I like analogies, so here is a good one.  If a bodybuilder with muscles up to his ears walked up to you today and said "You're too scrawny" would it matter to you?  It shouldn't.  That person holds himself to a different physical standard to other people, so when he see's someone who doesn't hold those same beliefs, he is going to think down on them, or put them down.  That isn't your problem, its his.  Think about that any time anyone insults you, it is not YOU who is being insulted, but their own beliefs on what they think would be acceptable for themselves.  When someone says something insulting or hurtful, remember, it is just that person projecting their own personal beliefs, and they don't truly involve you in any way.

3.  You judge yourself

When you look in the mirror, are you proud of what you see?  Most people would say no, but I would say HELL YES!  Even with every "social imperfection" I am so proud of what I see in the mirror every day!  Do you want to know why?  Because I love myself for exactly who I am.  You need to make decisions that you are proud of, and not be so critical of your own mistakes.  Most people judge themselves because they have a standard in their head that they are not meeting.  Or because they want to be accepted by a person or group.  You don't need anyone's approval, you need to be yourself.  You will only truly love yourself when you realize that the only thing you need to do to be happy is make decisions that you are proud of, and own them.  After that, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  Stop comparing the inner workings of your beautiful mind to the minds of those you cannot read.  You are worthy, you are good enough, and the only person that needs to believe that, it YOU!  Remind yourself every single day that you are AMAZING, and eventually you will believe it.  Do your best to be your best, and don't judge yourself when you slip.  You know what your personal best each and every day is.  Sometimes my personal best is sitting on the couch drinking coffee and writing a blog, and you know what?  I feel PROUD of myself when I do.  

4.  You victimize yourself.

When something happens to you, do you first think " NOT AGAIN!" or "Why does this always happen to ME?!"  Do you know what that does?  It makes you a victim of your own life.  Things only happen "TO YOU" when you let them.  No one is a victim in this life.  Life happens around us every single day, someone ALWAYS has it worse.  There are those people who complain about it, and there are people that DEAL with it.  Dealing with problems that arise makes you stronger.  Complaining about them takes away your responsibility.  Complaining also takes away your need to LEARN from a situation.  Think about the last time you complained about something.  Did you learn anything from complaining?  Probably not, but I bet you got some attention about it that made you feel better right?  Attention only lasts a moment, it doesn't stop things from hurting you again.  You have to own what happens in your life, accept it, and do whats best to get through it without feeling sorry for yourself.  People who do nothing but complain about their lives tend to have more and more to complain about in their lives.  People who are grateful tend to have many many more things to be thankful for.  Complaining is the ultimate way to not take responsibility for your life, and in all honesty, even those people who comfort you when you complain will eventually get tired of it and will no longer be there for you.   Stop complaining.  Its not healthy for your mind, nor is it healthy for the minds around you.

5. You don't have goals.

This is the number one reason people are unhappy in their lives.  At least it was the reason I was unhappy with mine.  I had no purpose.  I was sitting stagnant wondering why my life was so unfulfilling.  I had my husband, my children, my home... I was living a life so many people DREAMED of, but it didn't make me happy.  It was because I didn't have GOALS.  Then one day I made a goal that I would be HAPPY.  Then once I did that, I made a goal that I wasn't going to be obese anymore, then I made a goal to find my career path...  DONE! BOOM!  Goal after goal reached!  Do you want to know how I did it?  I wrote down a HUGE goal.  Something that seemed unattainable to me.  Then I wrote down all of the little goals I would need to get to that big goal.  Then I wrote down the tiny goals I would need to accomplish those little ones.  Then I took little tiny baby steps to reach those tiny goals.  You know where that lead me?  TO MY HUGE GOALS!  They've been reached and now I set goals for each day, each week, each month, each year.  My whole life revolves around goals. 
Every single person needs a goal.  It can be personal, physical, or professional, but start writing down some goals for yourself.  Give your life a purpose.  You will be so happy with yourself once you do!  Get started now!  

If you recognize any of these things in yourself, make the effort to change them.  be the best YOU possible!  Be on YOUR team!  You are only as unhappy as you allow yourself to be.
Much Love!!
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive!