I've always loved the ocean. To me, life is like the ocean. You cannot live life fighting the currents. You will get tired and weak and eventually you wont be able to keep your head above the water anymore. The only way to survive is to ride them out, the best way possible. Do you ever feel like that sometimes? You've spent so long fighting the current that you've lost all of your strength and you're ready to go under? The problem is that in life, when you go under you don't drowned. You just sit there, staring up at that fuzzy light of what you once knew as sky and wait for something to happen. That was depression for me, with or without the prescriptions. The problem was, there was no lifeguard to pull me out. There was no one there that knew I was drowning. As I sat on the beach and watched the waves yesterday, I was so happy to be on the sand, but I wanted to be in the water riding those wave.
Then I realized that life was exactly like I was in that moment. There are people who sit on the sand and watch in fear of the current, but eventually the tide will come in and drag them out. Then your option is to sink or swim. Surf or drowned. I think that is a perfect analogy for anyone who has suffered with depression. We've been under the water, so when we get to the moment that we're finally on the sand, we hold on for dear life because we never ever want to feel like there is no help to save us. The problem is, while on the sand, you are not experiencing life. You're watching your kids play and have fun, you watch the surfers in the water having fun, you're watching everyone else doing something that YOU want to do, but out of fear we stay right where we are, on the sand, watching, because we remember that feeling of being under water. We think to ourselves, why don't these people see the dangers? Why aren't they scared of the waves and sharks? How do they enjoy themselves when they know whats out there?
The truth is, everyone knows the dangers of the beach, just like they know the dangers of life. We all know that love leads to heartbreak, that physical activity can lead to injury, that when we let people see who we really are, they might not like it, that our efforts can lead to failures. The difference between you sitting on the sand and the people surfing in the ocean is that they know that even if they miss that wave, or if they wipe out, there is always another wave coming. They can always try again. How silly it would be if you saw a surfer miss a wave and get out of the water. So why in life do you do that? Why do you let the fear pull you out of the water?
What I've learned over the past 2 years is that FEAR is not going to stop me from jumping in the water, because I've finally learned to swim. I've finally learned how to surf life's waves. I've finally learned that if I wipe out or miss it, I can ALWAYS paddle back out and try again. You can too. You have to fight and swim. You have to have fun while doing it too. You cannot compare yourself to the other surfers, because they have had more or less experience than you. You cant compare waves because each one is different. You cant assume that you know what a wave is going to do. You can't ever think that a wave is purposely trying to wipe you out. You can bail anytime a wave gets to gnarly too, as long as you do it with the purpose of paddling out for the next one.
That's something that some people forget. When life starts getting too crazy, we either get sucked into it and let it take us over, or we can bail. We can decided that its too much for us to handle and step away. If there is a situation in your life that isn't easy to handle, you are allowed to say "no more of this" and end it. That does not make you a weak person, it makes you smart. Never ever let someone make you feel like you're not good enough, that your not worthy. You are. You are as good and worthy as anyone else on this planet.
I want each and every person who comes across my website or blog or page to know that they are just as capable of being the happiest person alive. This isn't some crazy mental enlightenment that takes years and years to achieve. Its just an inner peace of knowing that I am in control and that I am worthy and good. I still have my seriously insecure moments. I still fail. I still struggle. But when those moments come, I don't ride the wave. I bail as quickly as possible and paddle out of the next wave. That's what people need to learn to be ultimately happy in life. You have to put aside your fear, go out into the water, and learn to surf. We cannot be experts when we start anything, it takes time to be good at it. Know which waves to ride, and which ones to bail, and stop blaming the waves if you fall. Just paddle back out and try again. You have to have that attitude in life, that once a wave is gone, you will be left with the memory of it, good or bad, but it is gone and its time to paddle out for a new one.
At the end of the day, when you leave the beach, all you will have left is the memory of the waves, the pride in the ones you caught, the lessons in the ones you missed, a few dings in your board, and a bit of sand to remind you of your adventure. No regrets, no "what ifs". Get your ass up off of the sand, and get into the water. If you go under, kick those feet! You never figure out what you're doing until you try.
That is why I am doing this. I want to be a lifeguard. I want to teach people to swim, how to surf, I want to teach them to feel safe in the water, and I want to help pull out the ones that have gone under. If you ever go under, I am here for you.
Peace love, and SURF!
XOXO
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive
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