Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Using your words in kindness

I've been thinking about what I wanted to write on this subject without straying too far.  Its very easy to go into each and every scenario that may arise in your life and discuss the proper response, but for the sake of my time, and yours, we're going to skip that.

What I want to talk about today is your words, and how you use them on other people.  Growing up, we were taught to say "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  That was a good attempt from our parents to teach us that we don't have to take things personally, but as an adult, we've all learned that its not easy to stop taking thing personally.  As children, our words are our biggest weapon, but as we grow, we must learn that we do not need weapons, we need to protect our spirit.  That's when we must learn how to use our own words to better the words of other people.  

Being kind to others in any situation is a difficult task, but completely possible.  In the human world, we use our words as our main source of communication.  It is how we let other people know whats going on in our world, so we can connect with them on a more personal level.  Yes, we can use body language, but often times others cannot pick up on our subtle hints unless we use our words.  We all know from personal experience that words can be a weapon, as they are often used to harm one another.  What I am going to try and get across to you today is that you don't have to use harsh words to effectively get your point across.

When you speak harshly to a person you are not only letting them know how you're feeling, but you are also conveying how you feel about them specifically.  By speaking harshly to a person, you are conveying the message that believe you are above them.  We need to, as common beings, understand that we are the equal of all men.  You are no more, or less, than any other person you come across.  You may have more experience in some situations, but that does not make another person less worthy than you.  All humans have emotions, feelings, and beliefs that may differ from your own, but that doesn't mean that they are wrong.  When you speak unkind or attacking words to another person, you are harming them on a spiritual level, but you are also harming yourself.  By being unkind to another person, you are making it possible for others to be unkind to you.

If someone harms you with their words or behaviors, you must first remember that they are human.  There is probably something going on in their life that is causing them pain, and they are so wrapped up in it that they have lost the ability to disassociate you with their pain.  This is the first lesson in not taking things personally.  When someone is unkind, your mind needs to first go to trying to understand that their emotions do not need to be your emotions, therefore you do not need to reply with their same emotion, but with your own.

In the book, The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz teaches us to be impeccable with your word.  This means we must always speak in truth and love.  This isn't something you can accomplish in a day, in fact it can take a long time to develop this skill, but to live in true inner peace and happiness it is necessary to make the effort.

We must get rid of our desires to complain, vent, gossip, or speak cruel to or about others.  I've found in my life that the most unhappy people practice these bad habits.  They see the world for what it hasn't done instead of what it HAS done.  They are the pessimists, the "WHY ME" people.  You are going to come across them often in life, those who think they are above others.  This is not a healthy lifestyle, and if you find yourself acting on these emotions, you really need to step back and be more mindful of yourself, the good in your life, and the spirit of others.  

Sarcasm is something that I've perfected over the years, but lately I have found that it doesn't suit me anymore now that I am a happy person.  Of course, there are still those people in my life that love sarcasm, and together our conversations are not harmful to one another, but more in joy and happiness and our way of connection.  When you use sarcasm on someone who does not understand, you are harming their spirit, and its not a kind form of communication.  

In a business sense, I've seen many times that there are people who believe because they are more experienced, they can speak down to others.  This will never get you far.  In fact, those people who are condescending are most likely not the ones who will advance in a company.  You must remember that each person is there simply to do their job, and just because you feel you know more than they do doesn't mean they are any less of a person that anyone else.  If there is a situation where you know you are correct and another person has made a mistake, there is a way to approach it with truth and love, and not harming another persons spirit.  You must develop the ability to share your knowledge as a teacher and not as a judge if you'd like to progress.  Kind honesty always overrules condescending communication.

The point of this whole topic is karma.  You don't have to be religious to understand the rules of karma.  What you give out, you get back.  If you are unkind with your words, others will be unkind in return.  If you want your life to improve, improve the words coming out of your mouth.  Be respectful of the spirit of others, for they are living in their own world, not yours.   Be understanding and mindful about how you treat others and they will almost always do the same in return.

The last part of being kind with your words is learning when NOT to speak.  Silence is a tool we use to improve our thoughts, and should never be used as punishment.  If we are unhappy, we must be truthful about it, but always in kindness and love.   We need to use silence to understand how another person in feeling within themselves, by allowing them to speak, connecting to their words, and understanding why they are feeling the way they do.  There will be people you come across that are unable to speak kindly due to their circumstances, and we need to practice silence.  We cannot change how another is feeling, we can only give them space to work through those feelings.  Offering a kind word to someone in emotional pain is always a good idea, but then we must be silent and sometimes walk away.  If someones unkind words are threatening to harm your spirit, and are unable to see how their words effect others, its perfectly acceptable to leave the conversation, but it is never okay to return their emotions, because that brings negativity onto your spirit and can cause you unhappiness.

In closing, I want you to be more mindful of your words, and how they effect others.  When someone approaches you in anger or threatens your spirit, try to understand their circumstances, offer a kind word, then if necessary, disengage.  Do not allow negativity to alter your words.  Give a smile, a hello, when asking how someones day is, really listen, and in the end, you will have a more positive experience on this planet.  

I wish you the best, and always be kind.


Peace, Love, and Happiness
The Happiest Woman Alive