Past-Present-Future You; Living In The Present

Last night I was sitting on my porch with a really good friend.  She and I have been close since we were in High School, and she's always been my biggest supporter in life.  We were discussing things that happened when we were teenagers that have lead us to the point we are today, and I had the most amazing realization.  I realized that the reason I am so much happier now then I was 3 years ago is because I no longer associate with the pain of my past.  So for today's blog, I want to write my thoughts that I had last night that will explain what it means to let go of past trauma and stop worrying about the future.

The  best way I've found to be more present now is by realizing that there are 3 people inside of you.  There is the "PAST" you, the "PRESENT" you and the "FUTURE" you.  Most of our emotional pain comes from "past" you.  Remembering what it felt like, and holding on to that memory.  Other pain comes from "future" you.  Worrying about "getting it right" for future you.  I've read quite a few books now that talk about leaving the past in the past and not worrying about the future, but I didn't realize until last night how I actually achieved that.  What I did was I assigned my negative feelings of my past to my former-self.  I look back at the person I was at 17 and understand that things happened the way they did because that girl was unprepared and confused.  She acted the way she did because she didn't know any better at the time.  She dropped out of college, a few times, because she was indecisive.  She was emotionally hurt because she didn't know what love was.  None of those feelings are mine anymore, they are all hers.  She is just a small version of who I am, and I no longer relate to her anymore.  I have empathy for her for the hardships she had in her time, but I understand that many of those hardships were caused by her own lack of knowledge.

I am older, and a little bit wiser now.  I can look at what happened with new eyes as a new person and have a whole new understanding of the situation.  But I also understand that I can't fix anything that happened to that girl.  I can't save her, make her feel better, or change her decisions.  I only have to look at her as I do my own children and say "Its okay, I'm not upset, I forgive you."  By assigning your "past" self its own personality that you no longer relate to, you can effectively leave the past pain for that person to deal with, because its no longer your concern.  You get to start over, right now.  You've held onto that stuff for so long that its time to become your "present" self and concern yourself with only what surrounds you today.  Letting go of the past is liberating.

As for the "future" you, think about it this way.  Do you think that the person you were 10 years ago could get through a day of your life today?  That "past" self would probably have a lot of issues trying to navigate through your life today.  In fact, that past you probably couldn't even comprehend what's happening in your life now.  Well, that's how you need to look at "future" you.  In the future you will have more knowledge and experience than you do in this moment.  Even a week from now, your entire life can change, and you wont know until it happens.  When you start worrying about things that are in the future, just trust "future" you to handle it when it arises.  Just like you've handled every other situation up until this moment, you'll be able to do the same for anything that comes your way.  Give yourself credit for the things you haven't learned yet, but will in the future, and leave the decision making to "future" you who will have more wisdom that you do in this very moment.

I hope that helps you see how I did it.  Anything that has hurt me in the past, didn't hurt me today, but hurt the person I was THEN.  I left her in the dust a while back, and I will never turn around.  She dealt with it how she knew best, and I am free to enjoy my today.  As for the future?  I have goals, and hopes, and dreams about what I want to happen, and I am going to move myself in the direction that I think will get me there.  If I hit a road block, I'll figure something out when the time comes, because I'll be more prepared in that moment then I am today.

So for now, I hope you spend a little time enjoying yourself, today, in the present, and have a wonderful weekend!

Peace, Love, and Happiness
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive.

Don't You Worry

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”
― Erma Bombeck

There are some people in the world that feel that if they don't WORRY about things, when bad things happen, they won't feel prepared.  Well that's just ridiculous to me.  I know you've heard the saying "hope for the best but plan for the worst", but really?  That is no way to live, walking around every day planning for something to go completely wrong.  If you spend every day thinking that the worst is coming, you will never fully enjoy the present.  You cannot be happy in the moment if you are worried about the future, which you have no control over.

Imagine a man sitting on a park bench.  He has come with an entire first aid kit in preparation for a squirrel to bite him.  He's even ready for it to be a rabid squirrel.  He is sitting on the bench just waiting for it to happen while his family runs around and plays.  He doesn't understand how they can be having fun when there are possibly rabid squirrels running around!  At that point the man next to him, who is feeding the squirrels gets a bite on the finger.  He watches the man stand up, walk to his car, and drive towards the doctors office right up the street.  Do you know what is going to happen?  Nothing, the guy will be fine, but that man sitting on the park bench?  He KNEW it was a possibility!  He was prepared!  But nothing happened to him, it happened to someone else.  He wasted his entire afternoon waiting for something terrible to happen, instead of enjoying his time.  He did know better than to feed the possibly rabid squirrels, unlike the other man, and that should have been enough thought, because that was all he needed to stay safe.  He didn't need to prepare for the worst, he already had the intelligence to avoid the squirrels.  That is what worrying will do to you.  You are already smart enough to avoid bad things happening, and if they still do, you need to learn your lesson and don't go back to feeding the squirrels.  That is IT.  That is how life works.  It doesn't require you to plan for the worst, it requires you to think logically and rationally, and then if something bad happens, take care of it.  If you know that something bad is a possibility, you take the steps you need for any outcome, but other than that, you live your life one day at a time.

Sorry, I had to.

I am going to give you some easy steps to let go of worry, and learn to calm your mind.

1.  Unplug yourself.  Disconnecting from the TV, Phone, Internet, books, or any type of social media is a great place to start.  Its so easy to get caught up in the happenings of everyone else that if you don't disconnect once in a while, you wont give your mind time to calm down.  So turn off whatever electronic you have on, and spend 30 minutes a day with your thoughts.  Listen to where your mind goes, but don't force it.  If it goes to something you are "worried" about, then chose a different thought.  Focus on the beauty of nature around you.

2.  Meditate.  This goes along with unplugging yourself.  When you spend 15 minutes meditating, you learn so much more about the thoughts that are plaguing you.  Go to my posting about meditation to get more insight into what meditation can do for you, and where to start.  Meditation

3.  Make a List of worries.  Go ahead and write them all down.  If you're going to worry about something you need to be specific about what it is.

4.  Now I want you to analyze that list.  Decide which of your worries are "What Ifs" and which are "I need to act on this."  Decide if the specific things you're worried about require action, and if they do, do it now.  If they are things that you are worried about in the future that MIGHT HAPPEN, you need to be rational.  There is a course of events that are going to happen in your life if you worry about them or not.  There is no need to try and predict the future, because unless you have supernatural powers, you can't.  You just have an overactive imagination that you've lost control of.  When unpleasant things happen in life, we deal with them. Spending a moment analyzing something that has yet to happen, and possibly may never happen, is a big waste of time.  So take a look at that list, decide if any of those things need to be acted upon, do them, and then let the rest stay there on the paper.

5. Embrace the unknown.  Worriers are the people who think that the unknown if full of terrible things.  Its not, its completely neutral.  Nothing good or bad has shown its self, but your mind can make them a reality.  If you are constantly worried about getting a cold, you will get a cold.  If you are worried about not having any money, you will find yourself broke, if you worry about your car breaking down, it probably will.  Why?  Because you were so focused on it that your subconscious efforts have created the reality you can't help but think of.  You will notice every little thing that could lead to that worry and you will follow them without even knowing.  Your subconscious will lead you right to those rabid squirrels.  You need to take control of  your thoughts and focus on the GOOD that will happen, so your subconscious leads you to the GOOD things!

6.  Can't stop worrying?  Repeat the worry to yourself over and over until your mind is bored with it, and stops.  If you have bills coming up, and you're worried you can't pay them?  Say "All of my utilities are going to be shut off" and repeat that until your mind recognizes how ridiculous of a thing that is to worry about.  Once you are ready to stop worrying about that change that thought to "I will be able to pay all of my bills" and repeat that at least 10 times.  You've just changed your focus.

7.  TRUST YOURSELF.  Here's the deal, if you're worrying, its because you don't trust yourself to handle whatever stressful situation will arise.  Has that been an issue for you in the past?  Not having the right answer, or making a mistake?  If it has, remember that all mistakes are learning opportunities and nothing more.  You are an intelligent and practical person, which is why you worry, but if you trust in yourself, you will know that you can handle anything that comes your way.  You are perfectly capable!   Here's another analogy for you, thousands of people get into car accidents every single year.  Yet you probably still drive yours because you trust yourself to be safe.  You prepared by getting car insurance, and driving a safe vehicle, but you know that an accident is possible.  You don't worry about it every single second do you?  Of course not, that would be stressful and a waste of time.  Now you need to have trust in yourself that you can handle any situation.  Trust yourself that you can handle anything that comes your way, and you wont feel the need to worry.

You can build up your confidence and be sure that you will know what to do when a situation arises, just like you always have before.  You don't need to spend a moment worrying about things yet to come, because you cannot predict the future, and you don't know what is to come.  You'll be fine, just have a bit of faith!

Love, Peace, and Serenity
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive