Using your words in kindness

I've been thinking about what I wanted to write on this subject without straying too far.  Its very easy to go into each and every scenario that may arise in your life and discuss the proper response, but for the sake of my time, and yours, we're going to skip that.

What I want to talk about today is your words, and how you use them on other people.  Growing up, we were taught to say "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  That was a good attempt from our parents to teach us that we don't have to take things personally, but as an adult, we've all learned that its not easy to stop taking thing personally.  As children, our words are our biggest weapon, but as we grow, we must learn that we do not need weapons, we need to protect our spirit.  That's when we must learn how to use our own words to better the words of other people.  

Being kind to others in any situation is a difficult task, but completely possible.  In the human world, we use our words as our main source of communication.  It is how we let other people know whats going on in our world, so we can connect with them on a more personal level.  Yes, we can use body language, but often times others cannot pick up on our subtle hints unless we use our words.  We all know from personal experience that words can be a weapon, as they are often used to harm one another.  What I am going to try and get across to you today is that you don't have to use harsh words to effectively get your point across.

When you speak harshly to a person you are not only letting them know how you're feeling, but you are also conveying how you feel about them specifically.  By speaking harshly to a person, you are conveying the message that believe you are above them.  We need to, as common beings, understand that we are the equal of all men.  You are no more, or less, than any other person you come across.  You may have more experience in some situations, but that does not make another person less worthy than you.  All humans have emotions, feelings, and beliefs that may differ from your own, but that doesn't mean that they are wrong.  When you speak unkind or attacking words to another person, you are harming them on a spiritual level, but you are also harming yourself.  By being unkind to another person, you are making it possible for others to be unkind to you.

If someone harms you with their words or behaviors, you must first remember that they are human.  There is probably something going on in their life that is causing them pain, and they are so wrapped up in it that they have lost the ability to disassociate you with their pain.  This is the first lesson in not taking things personally.  When someone is unkind, your mind needs to first go to trying to understand that their emotions do not need to be your emotions, therefore you do not need to reply with their same emotion, but with your own.

In the book, The Four Agreements, don Miguel Ruiz teaches us to be impeccable with your word.  This means we must always speak in truth and love.  This isn't something you can accomplish in a day, in fact it can take a long time to develop this skill, but to live in true inner peace and happiness it is necessary to make the effort.

We must get rid of our desires to complain, vent, gossip, or speak cruel to or about others.  I've found in my life that the most unhappy people practice these bad habits.  They see the world for what it hasn't done instead of what it HAS done.  They are the pessimists, the "WHY ME" people.  You are going to come across them often in life, those who think they are above others.  This is not a healthy lifestyle, and if you find yourself acting on these emotions, you really need to step back and be more mindful of yourself, the good in your life, and the spirit of others.  

Sarcasm is something that I've perfected over the years, but lately I have found that it doesn't suit me anymore now that I am a happy person.  Of course, there are still those people in my life that love sarcasm, and together our conversations are not harmful to one another, but more in joy and happiness and our way of connection.  When you use sarcasm on someone who does not understand, you are harming their spirit, and its not a kind form of communication.  

In a business sense, I've seen many times that there are people who believe because they are more experienced, they can speak down to others.  This will never get you far.  In fact, those people who are condescending are most likely not the ones who will advance in a company.  You must remember that each person is there simply to do their job, and just because you feel you know more than they do doesn't mean they are any less of a person that anyone else.  If there is a situation where you know you are correct and another person has made a mistake, there is a way to approach it with truth and love, and not harming another persons spirit.  You must develop the ability to share your knowledge as a teacher and not as a judge if you'd like to progress.  Kind honesty always overrules condescending communication.

The point of this whole topic is karma.  You don't have to be religious to understand the rules of karma.  What you give out, you get back.  If you are unkind with your words, others will be unkind in return.  If you want your life to improve, improve the words coming out of your mouth.  Be respectful of the spirit of others, for they are living in their own world, not yours.   Be understanding and mindful about how you treat others and they will almost always do the same in return.

The last part of being kind with your words is learning when NOT to speak.  Silence is a tool we use to improve our thoughts, and should never be used as punishment.  If we are unhappy, we must be truthful about it, but always in kindness and love.   We need to use silence to understand how another person in feeling within themselves, by allowing them to speak, connecting to their words, and understanding why they are feeling the way they do.  There will be people you come across that are unable to speak kindly due to their circumstances, and we need to practice silence.  We cannot change how another is feeling, we can only give them space to work through those feelings.  Offering a kind word to someone in emotional pain is always a good idea, but then we must be silent and sometimes walk away.  If someones unkind words are threatening to harm your spirit, and are unable to see how their words effect others, its perfectly acceptable to leave the conversation, but it is never okay to return their emotions, because that brings negativity onto your spirit and can cause you unhappiness.

In closing, I want you to be more mindful of your words, and how they effect others.  When someone approaches you in anger or threatens your spirit, try to understand their circumstances, offer a kind word, then if necessary, disengage.  Do not allow negativity to alter your words.  Give a smile, a hello, when asking how someones day is, really listen, and in the end, you will have a more positive experience on this planet.  

I wish you the best, and always be kind.

Namaste

Peace, Love, and Happiness

Lauren

The Happiest Woman Alive

Past-Present-Future You; Living In The Present

Last night I was sitting on my porch with a really good friend.  She and I have been close since we were in High School, and she's always been my biggest supporter in life.  We were discussing things that happened when we were teenagers that have lead us to the point we are today, and I had the most amazing realization.  I realized that the reason I am so much happier now then I was 3 years ago is because I no longer associate with the pain of my past.  So for today's blog, I want to write my thoughts that I had last night that will explain what it means to let go of past trauma and stop worrying about the future.

The  best way I've found to be more present now is by realizing that there are 3 people inside of you.  There is the "PAST" you, the "PRESENT" you and the "FUTURE" you.  Most of our emotional pain comes from "past" you.  Remembering what it felt like, and holding on to that memory.  Other pain comes from "future" you.  Worrying about "getting it right" for future you.  I've read quite a few books now that talk about leaving the past in the past and not worrying about the future, but I didn't realize until last night how I actually achieved that.  What I did was I assigned my negative feelings of my past to my former-self.  I look back at the person I was at 17 and understand that things happened the way they did because that girl was unprepared and confused.  She acted the way she did because she didn't know any better at the time.  She dropped out of college, a few times, because she was indecisive.  She was emotionally hurt because she didn't know what love was.  None of those feelings are mine anymore, they are all hers.  She is just a small version of who I am, and I no longer relate to her anymore.  I have empathy for her for the hardships she had in her time, but I understand that many of those hardships were caused by her own lack of knowledge.

I am older, and a little bit wiser now.  I can look at what happened with new eyes as a new person and have a whole new understanding of the situation.  But I also understand that I can't fix anything that happened to that girl.  I can't save her, make her feel better, or change her decisions.  I only have to look at her as I do my own children and say "Its okay, I'm not upset, I forgive you."  By assigning your "past" self its own personality that you no longer relate to, you can effectively leave the past pain for that person to deal with, because its no longer your concern.  You get to start over, right now.  You've held onto that stuff for so long that its time to become your "present" self and concern yourself with only what surrounds you today.  Letting go of the past is liberating.

As for the "future" you, think about it this way.  Do you think that the person you were 10 years ago could get through a day of your life today?  That "past" self would probably have a lot of issues trying to navigate through your life today.  In fact, that past you probably couldn't even comprehend what's happening in your life now.  Well, that's how you need to look at "future" you.  In the future you will have more knowledge and experience than you do in this moment.  Even a week from now, your entire life can change, and you wont know until it happens.  When you start worrying about things that are in the future, just trust "future" you to handle it when it arises.  Just like you've handled every other situation up until this moment, you'll be able to do the same for anything that comes your way.  Give yourself credit for the things you haven't learned yet, but will in the future, and leave the decision making to "future" you who will have more wisdom that you do in this very moment.

I hope that helps you see how I did it.  Anything that has hurt me in the past, didn't hurt me today, but hurt the person I was THEN.  I left her in the dust a while back, and I will never turn around.  She dealt with it how she knew best, and I am free to enjoy my today.  As for the future?  I have goals, and hopes, and dreams about what I want to happen, and I am going to move myself in the direction that I think will get me there.  If I hit a road block, I'll figure something out when the time comes, because I'll be more prepared in that moment then I am today.

So for now, I hope you spend a little time enjoying yourself, today, in the present, and have a wonderful weekend!

Peace, Love, and Happiness
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive.

Be Happy

As I sit here on my bed contemplating the documentary, Happy, I just watched, I wonder how I am going to express to each of you what it means to be happy to me.  Its difficult for me to explain to someone how unhappy I was for so long.  It almost seems like a different lifetime.  I try to think of the REASON I was depressed, and I can bring up different scenarios that I viewed as negative and depressing.  The truth is, those things are still there, in my past.  I still can feel them, hear them, and remember them, but no longer do they make me sad or depressed.  I didn't change my life, I didn't change my past, I just changed my focus.

For example, there was a time in my life where I was depressed about the passing of a very important person to me.  I let her death make me bitter and angry, because I was sad that I didn't have her anymore.  I cried for her so many times that I lost count.  She was more than family, she was one of my best friends, and we talked for hours.  She passed right around the time of a huge change in my life, and I was upset that I didn't have her support or guidance anymore.  For years I let my grief manifest into other feelings such as disappointment, anger, and sorrow.  I was not living my own life, I was craving the days when she was still with me.  Because I had been happy with her around, I didn't think it would be possible to be happy without her around.

As time went on, my depression became a personality of its own.  I stopped enjoying any aspect of life.  Whats sad is that this was also during a big time for me.  I had a baby, I got married, and my husband and I had a life we were trying to start, but I was so consumed in this negative mindset that I didn't enjoy anything around me.  I found every possible "bad" experience and I held onto it.  I consumed every negative emotion that was pushed my way.  I reached back into my childhood to things that I wasn't depressed about at the time and I created a whole new memory based on my new demeanor.  I effectively changed my whole consciousness to be focused on the "BAD" things that I believed were happening to me.

As I write this, its like I am talking about a different person.  Back then, in my deepest darkness, I was completely unable to see how miserable a life it was.  I had my family telling me that I wasn't pleasant to be around, and a husband who was on the edge of running because I was never kind, but I didn't recognize it.  I really thought they were all wrong, and that I was the realistic one.  I was the only person who saw how bad things were, and they were pretending that everything was okay.

Then I woke up.  I can't tell you the exact moment that it happened, because it was a process, but there was a moment that I realized that everyone around me was dealing with the same LIFE I was, but I was the only one that was foreboding.  I was so consumed in what horrible things were going on, that I completely lost sight of the wonderful parts of my life.  I couldn't change the fact that my loved one was gone, but I could embrace those hours sitting on her bed watching daytime soaps, and have faith that one day we would be together again.  I couldn't change my situation, but I could be grateful for it.  I had a husband who loved me unconditionally, two beautiful happy daughters who saw nothing but joy in life, a close knit family that I LOVE being around, and amazing friends who I could sit and talk to for hours and not even realize the time had passed.  I had nothing to be depressed about anymore, because my mind was focused on all of the beauty around me and no longer on the things that I couldn't control.

In watching the documentary Happy*, I realized that the happiest people in the world are the people who focus their lives on compassion, love, and kindness.  The happiest people have intrinsic goals focused on bettering themselves spiritually, and working towards their personal growth.   The least happy people are those who focus on extrinsic goals and focus their lives on reaching materialistic or financial goals.  More money and success doesn't increase your happiness, and until you change your perspective it never will.  You'll always want more.

I don't know if my parents taught me this on purpose, but throughout my life I've learned that the most important lesson we can teach our children is to never harm anyone physically, spiritually, or financially.  Always live in kindness and compassion, even when others don't.  The happiest people are those that do good for each other, even in times of desperation.  We as humans are not meant to be competitive, but to be cooperative.  We are meant to work TOGETHER, not against each other.

If you want to be happy, I challenge you to do these three things every day for one week, and I promise you will be a happier person.
1. Practice compassion for all living beings.  Do no harm physically, spiritually (emotionally), or financially.
2. Be grateful for all that you have.  Count your blessings at the end of each day, and let go of all of the things that didn't bring you joy.
3.  Do something that you love.  Be playful at least once a day.  Laugh, joke, and smile.  Let go of any discomfort in the efforts, and really really enjoy something.

I wish you the best in improving your life, from this moment on.  Remember that all it takes is a shift in focus.

Peace, Love, and Happiness.
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive

*I watched this documentary on Netflix on instant stream, but you can also rent it from the website.  http://www.thehappymovie.com/film/

The 10 Steps To Successful Weight Loss Surgery

I’ve been overweight since I was a child.  I’ve also been depressed and angry since then too.

When I decided two years ago that I wanted to finally lose the weight, it wasn’t just because I was tired of being fat.  I had an emotional revelation in which I realized that I was not in control of my own happiness and thoughts.  I knew that I needed to improve my mental health and went on a spiritual mission to change my perspective on life.  I took 18 months to really figure out why my life seemed so difficult, and in that journey I discovered that my mental anguish was the root cause to my weight gain.  I had a long road ahead of me in changing the beliefs I held about myself and the beliefs I held about other people.  Once I discovered and changed those beliefs, I decided it was time to let go of the weight that seemed to be holding me down. 

Most people go the opposite route with their weight.  They think that if they let go of the weight, they will also be letting go of the emotional issues.  Many times those people find that the weight is hard to keep off too.  I fully believe that weight loss surgery should require life improvement therapy too.  The problem is that in our health system, our doctors are only concerned with the physical aspect of our weight, and not the mental.  The treatments have been improving over the years, but I think there is still a long way to go in changing how we look at weight loss, and the benefit of surgery.   

I have spent a good amount of time in the past 11 months since my surgery date really looking at the mental changes that I’ve had to make to be fully successful with my progress.  I have since reached my original goal of losing 130lbs and improved that goal to being physically fit and healthy.  I composed this list of what I believe are the 10 most important actions you need to take to be successful with your weight loss surgery.  I hope you can learn from this, and please feel free to share any additional things you find important in your long term success.

1. Take responsibility for your choices.   You may have had an upbringing that caused you to have a weak belief structure, but you are still responsible for the way you take care of your body and mind.  Blame and shame are easy distractions for your mind to give up on your responsibility in how you got to the point you’re at.  Embrace your mistakes and love yourself.  You can’t get better until you embrace your responsibility and make a promise to yourself to do your best.  You cannot do your best when you make excuses for yourself.  When you take responsibility you are not making excuses for yourself.  Responsibility is a total acceptance of who we are, and focusing on self-love and improving our lives.

2.  Be honest with yourself.  It’s easy to avoid thinking about how you take care of your body every day.  Being honest with yourself is uncomfortable, but your “comfort” is what has lead you to the current state you’re in.  Progress is impossible without discomfort and anyone who’s had weight loss surgery can tell you that “comfort” is not part of the process.  Ask yourself if the choices you’re making are truly making you happy.  If not, change them.

3.   Keep a food journal.  This goes along with being honest with yourself.  An honest food journal will keep track of every bite, taste, lick, and sip.  Everything that goes into your mouth should be on that page.  This isn’t to feel shame or guilt, but to try and find each and every trigger in what is causing your weight problems.  You can’t change your appearance without changing your habits.  So for this, you must understand that writing these things down is only to help boost your progress, not to make you feel ashamed.  You’re already eating these things, so looking at them on a page isn’t going to harm you.  It’s going to help you see what you need to be more focused on.  This is to help teach you how to treat your body well.

4.   Remember that being “skinny” isn’t a solution to emotional turmoil.  It is not going to fix your relationship, make people like you, and get you a raise or a better job.  Your life will not improve because you are thin.  Your life only improves when your outlook improves, and you don’t have to be thin to improve your outlook.  You have to really figure out what in your life needs to improve and work on that separately from your weight.  Weight gain is a side effect from many emotional issues, and you can’t treat a problem by only treating the side effects.

5. Meditate.  You need to learn to calm your mind in moments of extreme stress.  I’ve learned that when I feel overwhelmed I fall back into my old habits of comfort food and inactivity.  Now that I’ve discovered meditation, it helps me get back to the inner calm I need to make better choices.

6.  Educate yourself on proper nutrition.  Many people I’ve spoken to, myself included, try to fit our comfort foods into the list of what we should be eating.  I can tell you that even if you take the bun off a burger, it’s still a burger.  Really learn what your body needs to stay healthy and fit, and realize that food is not strictly for enjoyment, but fuel and nourishment for our body and soul.  Remember how guilty you felt just writing a food journal?  Now if you ate foods that benefit your body, it would be EASY to write a food journal every day.  The one thing I was told in my pre-op class was “Oh, you don’t like to eat _______?  That’s too bad.  But I’m telling you that you need to eat it.”

7.   Don’t deny yourself anything in moderation.  I don’t eat healthy 100% of the time.  No one does, and if they do, they have more self-control than anyone I know.  The key is limitation.  You can indulge in a craving, but if you don’t nourish your body with proper foods more often, you are not going to be successful.  The benefit of surgery is that a lot of the unhealthy foods are difficult to eat, or cause severe discomfort, but that doesn’t last forever for some of us.  We have to keep in mind that head hunger and cravings are not an excuse to treat your body poorly.

8.  Be present.  Every time you make the decision to eat, you have to be present in the decision of what foods you’re going to nourish yourself with.  Imagine what each food choice you make is going to do to benefit your body, and how much of that food is nutritionally valuable for your health.  Picture what your goal is and decide if that food choice is beneficial to your goal.

9.  Move your body.  Physical inactivity is proven to cause anxiety and depression, both of which are difficult to handle while dealing with weight.  When you move your body, in any way, you are not only aiding yourself in weight loss, but in boosting your mental health.  When we make excuses and stay inactive, we are taking away from the progress we could make.  Find a physical activity you enjoy and do it as often as possible.  Also remember that exercise isn’t easy, and it isn’t supposed to be.  That physical strain is actually physical improvement.  The burn is growth.  Embrace it instead of fearing it.

10.  Get help.  If you find yourself struggling with making good choices you need to talk to someone about it.  If emotional turmoil or pain has deterred you from your progress, you need to seek out a professional.  Get a therapist, go to a support group, read a self-help book, or find a coach that can guide you through it.  When you internalize and refuse to move through your emotional pain, you cannot successfully utilize the weight loss tool you have chosen.  This is why so many people regain the weight.  They have not dealt with the emotional and mental side of weight loss and used the surgery as an ineffective solution.  You have to improve your thoughts before you will ever improve your body.

Lauren Vento
The Happiest Woman Alive

Don't You Worry

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”
― Erma Bombeck

There are some people in the world that feel that if they don't WORRY about things, when bad things happen, they won't feel prepared.  Well that's just ridiculous to me.  I know you've heard the saying "hope for the best but plan for the worst", but really?  That is no way to live, walking around every day planning for something to go completely wrong.  If you spend every day thinking that the worst is coming, you will never fully enjoy the present.  You cannot be happy in the moment if you are worried about the future, which you have no control over.

Imagine a man sitting on a park bench.  He has come with an entire first aid kit in preparation for a squirrel to bite him.  He's even ready for it to be a rabid squirrel.  He is sitting on the bench just waiting for it to happen while his family runs around and plays.  He doesn't understand how they can be having fun when there are possibly rabid squirrels running around!  At that point the man next to him, who is feeding the squirrels gets a bite on the finger.  He watches the man stand up, walk to his car, and drive towards the doctors office right up the street.  Do you know what is going to happen?  Nothing, the guy will be fine, but that man sitting on the park bench?  He KNEW it was a possibility!  He was prepared!  But nothing happened to him, it happened to someone else.  He wasted his entire afternoon waiting for something terrible to happen, instead of enjoying his time.  He did know better than to feed the possibly rabid squirrels, unlike the other man, and that should have been enough thought, because that was all he needed to stay safe.  He didn't need to prepare for the worst, he already had the intelligence to avoid the squirrels.  That is what worrying will do to you.  You are already smart enough to avoid bad things happening, and if they still do, you need to learn your lesson and don't go back to feeding the squirrels.  That is IT.  That is how life works.  It doesn't require you to plan for the worst, it requires you to think logically and rationally, and then if something bad happens, take care of it.  If you know that something bad is a possibility, you take the steps you need for any outcome, but other than that, you live your life one day at a time.

Sorry, I had to.

I am going to give you some easy steps to let go of worry, and learn to calm your mind.

1.  Unplug yourself.  Disconnecting from the TV, Phone, Internet, books, or any type of social media is a great place to start.  Its so easy to get caught up in the happenings of everyone else that if you don't disconnect once in a while, you wont give your mind time to calm down.  So turn off whatever electronic you have on, and spend 30 minutes a day with your thoughts.  Listen to where your mind goes, but don't force it.  If it goes to something you are "worried" about, then chose a different thought.  Focus on the beauty of nature around you.

2.  Meditate.  This goes along with unplugging yourself.  When you spend 15 minutes meditating, you learn so much more about the thoughts that are plaguing you.  Go to my posting about meditation to get more insight into what meditation can do for you, and where to start.  Meditation

3.  Make a List of worries.  Go ahead and write them all down.  If you're going to worry about something you need to be specific about what it is.

4.  Now I want you to analyze that list.  Decide which of your worries are "What Ifs" and which are "I need to act on this."  Decide if the specific things you're worried about require action, and if they do, do it now.  If they are things that you are worried about in the future that MIGHT HAPPEN, you need to be rational.  There is a course of events that are going to happen in your life if you worry about them or not.  There is no need to try and predict the future, because unless you have supernatural powers, you can't.  You just have an overactive imagination that you've lost control of.  When unpleasant things happen in life, we deal with them. Spending a moment analyzing something that has yet to happen, and possibly may never happen, is a big waste of time.  So take a look at that list, decide if any of those things need to be acted upon, do them, and then let the rest stay there on the paper.

5. Embrace the unknown.  Worriers are the people who think that the unknown if full of terrible things.  Its not, its completely neutral.  Nothing good or bad has shown its self, but your mind can make them a reality.  If you are constantly worried about getting a cold, you will get a cold.  If you are worried about not having any money, you will find yourself broke, if you worry about your car breaking down, it probably will.  Why?  Because you were so focused on it that your subconscious efforts have created the reality you can't help but think of.  You will notice every little thing that could lead to that worry and you will follow them without even knowing.  Your subconscious will lead you right to those rabid squirrels.  You need to take control of  your thoughts and focus on the GOOD that will happen, so your subconscious leads you to the GOOD things!

6.  Can't stop worrying?  Repeat the worry to yourself over and over until your mind is bored with it, and stops.  If you have bills coming up, and you're worried you can't pay them?  Say "All of my utilities are going to be shut off" and repeat that until your mind recognizes how ridiculous of a thing that is to worry about.  Once you are ready to stop worrying about that change that thought to "I will be able to pay all of my bills" and repeat that at least 10 times.  You've just changed your focus.

7.  TRUST YOURSELF.  Here's the deal, if you're worrying, its because you don't trust yourself to handle whatever stressful situation will arise.  Has that been an issue for you in the past?  Not having the right answer, or making a mistake?  If it has, remember that all mistakes are learning opportunities and nothing more.  You are an intelligent and practical person, which is why you worry, but if you trust in yourself, you will know that you can handle anything that comes your way.  You are perfectly capable!   Here's another analogy for you, thousands of people get into car accidents every single year.  Yet you probably still drive yours because you trust yourself to be safe.  You prepared by getting car insurance, and driving a safe vehicle, but you know that an accident is possible.  You don't worry about it every single second do you?  Of course not, that would be stressful and a waste of time.  Now you need to have trust in yourself that you can handle any situation.  Trust yourself that you can handle anything that comes your way, and you wont feel the need to worry.

You can build up your confidence and be sure that you will know what to do when a situation arises, just like you always have before.  You don't need to spend a moment worrying about things yet to come, because you cannot predict the future, and you don't know what is to come.  You'll be fine, just have a bit of faith!

Love, Peace, and Serenity
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive

THE HARD TRUTH OF HEALING

I think the biggest difficulty people have when trying to better their lives and heal is that they tend to forget we must take responsibility for ourselves.  Even for the things we don't feel responsible for.  The truth is, if its still making you angry or sad, you have a responsibility to forgive, to forget, to apologize, to accept.  If you don't recognize your own part in what happens in your life, you are not going to heal.  It hurts when you realize that your stress is mostly your fault, but if you don't realize it, you will never change it.  We as humans need to stop getting angry at other people for our emotions and stress.  We need to stop being so self-centered that we believe that anyone on this planet does something specifically to hurt is.

 It is completely narcissistic to think that you mean so much to another person that they would forgo their own lives, thoughts, beliefs, and issues specifically to do harm to you.  The truth is, you're not that important to anyone but yourself.  People do things for their own self gratification.  Try to find a moment in your life when you did something completely against your will, beliefs, thoughts, and personal gratification simply to harm another human.  You wont find one, because everything you do is based on your own feelings.  Now understand that no one else on the planet has ever done anything to purposely harm you.  Its all been justified in their own mind and has nothing to do with YOU.  Even the most abusive people in the world are that way, not because of the person they are abusing, but because in their mind they have a reason.  (If someone is abusing you, it is your responsibility to remove them from your life or remove yourself from the situation.)

 The reason you are still in pain over the situation is because you haven't taken responsibility for yourself.  So someone did something you didn't like, something that hurt you, something that brought you pain.  It was your choice to allow that pain to linger.  You have allowed that pain to stay with you.  You've tortured your own soul with that pain. No one else did that to you.  You've done it to yourself.  And it is your choice from this moment on if you are going to allow that pain to continue.  Once you are aware that it is your choice, you have to make the choice to better yourself, or continue to live in pain.  When you make the choice, your life will either get better, or you will continue in pain until you are ready to face your choices.

Don't fear the new pain of taking responsibility.  The new pain found in the truth that your life is stressful based on nothing but your thoughts is actually short lived.  Its like letting go of a lie.  Eventually the pain goes away.  Then you forgive yourself and say "I forgive myself for allowing those painful thoughts to continue" and your entire world changed.  There is a shift in the way you see everything.  Its brighter, more beautiful, more free, more loving.  And once you learn to own responsibility and forgive yourself, you can easily forgive everyone else that hurt you, because you will no longer be hurt.  You can let it all go.  You can love yourself, love your choices.  You can love others, even when you didn't think they deserved it before.  Stopping the self-pain, the victimizing, is the best healing you will ever do.  Believe me.  I did it.  I am still doing it to this day.  I have healed myself, continue to heal myself, and will always be on a path of healing.  I have forgiven myself, and the ones who I felt hurt me, not because they asked for it, but because I understand that my pain serves no purpose.  There is absolutely no reason to hold pain.  Ever.  Pain is actually just a lesson you've refused to learn.  Learn the lesson and the pain goes away.  I swear its that simple.  As always, I'm here for you if you need help.
Much Peace, Love, Responsibility, and Self Love.
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive

Life is like the ocean.

I've always loved the ocean.  To me, life is like the ocean.  You cannot live life fighting the currents.  You will get tired and weak and eventually you wont be able to keep your head above the water anymore.  The only way to survive is to ride them out, the best way possible.  Do you ever feel like that sometimes?  You've spent so long fighting the current that you've lost all of your strength and you're ready to go under?  The problem is that in life, when you go under you don't drowned.  You just sit there, staring up at that fuzzy light of what you once knew as sky and wait for something to happen.  That was depression for me, with or without the prescriptions.  The problem was, there was no lifeguard to pull me out.  There was no one there that knew I was drowning.  As I sat on the beach and watched the waves yesterday, I was so happy to be on the sand, but I wanted to be in the water riding those wave.

Then I realized that life was exactly like I was in that moment.  There are people who sit on the sand and watch in fear of the current, but eventually the tide will come in and drag them out.  Then your option is to sink or swim.  Surf or drowned.  I think that is a perfect analogy for anyone who has suffered with depression.  We've been under the water, so when we get to the moment that we're finally on the sand, we hold on for dear life because we never ever want to feel like there is no help to save us.  The problem is, while on the sand, you are not experiencing life.  You're watching your kids play and have fun, you watch the surfers in the water having fun, you're watching everyone else doing something that YOU want to do, but out of fear we stay right where we are, on the sand, watching, because we remember that feeling of being under water.  We think to ourselves, why don't these people see the dangers?  Why aren't they scared of the waves and sharks?  How do they enjoy themselves when they know whats out there?

The truth is, everyone knows the dangers of the beach, just like they know the dangers of life.  We all know that love leads to heartbreak, that physical activity can lead to injury, that when we let people see who we really are, they might not like it, that our efforts can lead to failures.  The difference between you sitting on the sand and the people surfing in the ocean is that they know that even if they miss that wave, or if they wipe out, there is always another wave coming.  They can always try again.  How silly it would be if you saw a surfer miss a wave and get out of the water.  So why in life do you do that?  Why do you let the fear pull you out of the water?

What I've learned over the past 2 years is that FEAR is not going to stop me from jumping in the water, because I've finally learned to swim.  I've finally learned how to surf life's waves.  I've finally learned that if I wipe out or miss it, I can ALWAYS paddle back out and try again.  You can too.  You have to fight and swim.  You have to have fun while doing it too.  You cannot compare yourself to the other surfers, because they have had more or less experience than you.  You cant compare waves because each one is different.  You cant assume that you know what a wave is going to do.  You can't ever think that a wave is purposely trying to wipe you out.  You can bail anytime a wave gets to gnarly too, as long as you do it with the purpose of paddling out for the next one.

That's something that some people forget.  When life starts getting too crazy, we either get sucked into it and let it take us over, or we can bail.  We can decided that its too much for us to handle and step away.  If there is a situation in your life that isn't easy to handle, you are allowed to say "no more of this" and end it.  That does not make you a weak person, it makes you smart.  Never ever let someone make you feel like you're not good enough, that your not worthy.  You are.  You are as good and worthy as anyone else on this planet.

I want each and every person who comes across my website or blog or page to know that they are just as capable of being the happiest person alive.  This isn't some crazy mental enlightenment that takes years and years to achieve.  Its just an inner peace of knowing that I am in control and that I am worthy and good.  I still have my seriously insecure moments.  I still fail.  I still struggle.  But when those moments come, I don't ride the wave.  I bail as quickly as possible and paddle out of the next wave.  That's what people need to learn to be ultimately happy in life.  You have to put aside your fear, go out into the water, and learn to surf.  We cannot be experts when we start anything, it takes time to be good at it.  Know which waves to ride, and which ones to bail, and stop blaming the waves if you fall.  Just paddle back out and try again.  You have to have that attitude in life, that once a wave is gone, you will be left with the memory of it, good or bad, but it is gone and its time to paddle out for a new one.

 At the end of the day, when you leave the beach, all you will have left is the memory of the waves, the pride in the ones you caught, the lessons in the ones you missed, a few dings in your board, and a bit of sand to remind you of your adventure.  No regrets, no "what ifs".  Get your ass up off of the sand, and get into the water.  If you go under, kick those feet!  You never figure out what you're doing until you try.

That is why I am doing this.  I want to be a lifeguard.  I want to teach people to swim, how to surf, I want to teach them to feel safe in the water, and I want to help pull out the ones that have gone under.  If you ever go under, I am here for you.

Peace love, and SURF!
XOXO
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive

Beliefs

I've spent over a month trying to figure out how exactly I wanted to approach this subject.  All of my other blogs cover topics that we as people deal with almost every day, but each one always comes back to the fact that your beliefs are what has led you to where you are in life today.  This is going to be one of the blogs that would best be read with a pen and paper in hand.  Beliefs are something that you need to really gain a hold of.  You need to figure out exactly where your mind is before you will ever have a chance to change it.

I want to first give you an introduction on beliefs and how they become the main factor in your emotions, thoughts, and personal happiness.

When we are children, our minds are open to anything we should learn.  It is said that you take on most of your morals, values, and beliefs before you are 4 years old.  Those 4 years you are learning what is acceptable and what isn't in society, but what most parents don't realize is that they are also teaching you what you should think of yourself and those around you.  Parents, usually unknowingly, pass down their judgements, insecurities, and self criticisms to their children while also teaching them the basics of love, friendships, and kindness.  In an essence, it is not YOUR FAULT that those are what you've learned.  I want you to take a moment to let that soak in.  You did not create those judgements and insecurities in your head.  They were put there for you.  Got it?  Alright, now really really let that sink in.  Your parents, adult family members, and other adult influences are the reason you're beliefs are not benefiting your life.  I'll give you a minute to process that information.........

Are you finished?  Now that you know where the issue came from, I want you to recognize what thoughts just went through your head.  Did you victimize yourself?  Did you get frustrated, angry, or even sad?  Did you feel any negative emotions?  Good.  THOSE are the thoughts you need to work on.  Because it wasn't your parents that put those thoughts in your head, they just put the basis of the belief there.  It was YOU who just chose which feelings to have about that revelation.  That is where changing your beliefs is going to come into play.  Your parents gave you a foundation, you chose how to interpret it.  Pick up that pen and paper and lets get to work.

I want you to write down your beliefs on these subject.  Feel free to word them any way you feel fit.  This may take a few minutes, so be prepared to really get into what you truly feel about these things.  If you have more than one belief on the subject, write them each down separately.

Your happiness

Your success

Your goals

Your health

Your future

Your appearance

Your attitude

Your behaviors

Your thoughts

Your relationships
Your self worth

These are your personal belief statements.  I want you to look over them and decide for yourself which of these beliefs are really self-empowering.  Circle the ones that make you feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.  Now I want you to look over them and decided which are NOT self empowering.  The beliefs that make you feel not good enough.  The beliefs that bring us pain to recognize.  Now I want you to CROSS THEM OUT.  Those are the beliefs you want to change about yourself.  They are what you need to work on.  Without knowing which beliefs do not serve the purpose of bettering yourself, you will never know how to improve your life.

Your job from today forward is to practice the exact opposite of those negative belief statements.  You are to remind yourself every day that you are no longer the person who feels that way about yourself, you are a person who thinks nothing but the best about who you are.  I will do my best to keep this blog full of ways to recognize and improve your ability to chose positive beliefs.  I know you can do it because I did.  If someone like me, a person who was completely negative, can flip their life around and see the GOOD in myself and all that I am and do, I truly believe that anyone can.

If you ever find yourself in a position where you have a negative belief and you're not sure how to change it, feel free to send me a message and we can discuss ways to get through it.  I'm here for you!

Much Peace, happiness and SELF LOVE!

XOXO

Lauren

The Happiest Woman Alive

Stop taking everything personally!

Everyone wants to be happy.  I don't think there is a person on this planet who really enjoys being upset.  The only problem is that sometimes we don't understand WHY things are the way they are.  Someone does or says something negative and all of the hard work we did that day to be HAPPY gets thrown out the window.  Just one negative comment can ruin 24 hours of positive thoughts.  Why is that?  Because humans take things personally.  We automatically process what we hear or see and think of how exactly it was meant for us.

The truth is, even if a comment or negative action IS directed at us, its not necessary to take it personally.  It is our own narcissistic minds that believe that we truly are the root cause for other peoples words and actions.  In reality, it has NOTHING to do with us.  Think about the last time you were in a bad mood.  Did you ever say something to another person that was harsh?  Is it THAT PERSONS FAULT that you chose those words?  Of course not, it was your own anger and criticisms that caused those words to come out of your mouth.  So why would you blame yourself for what other people say?  It is their own thought process that causes them to react in the way they do.

So what I want you to do is start refocusing on how you're going to react when someone says or does something that hurts you.

First off, do not ever assume you know why a person says or does something.  You cannot read minds, and if you can, you don't need this blog.  You have to always remember that people react to their own thoughts, not to yours.  It is what is going on within them that cause them to do or say things that can be taken negatively.  Think about what could possibly have happened in THEIR day/week/month/life that has lead them to this very moment.  Usually, people are cruel or condescending, not because of you, but because of the way they were raised and the events that have taken place in their lives.  They may have poor emotional management skills that have severely hindered their ability to rationally think about what they are doing to another person.  Some people take out their anger by putting it on other people.  None of that is OKAY, but none of it is your fault.  Do not victimize yourself because someone else is having a bad day.  Give them empathy, because you most likely know how it feels too.

My absolute favorite quote on this subject is from don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements.  He says that taking things personally "is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about me... The same way that you are the main character of your story, you are only a secondary character in everybody else’s story.”

He's so completely right.  Everyone else is living their own life.  If they are unhappy, it is not a reflection of YOU because it is not YOUR story.  do not ever let someone else interfere with how you control your mental well being.  If you haven't read it yet, I wrote a nice blog on how to stop judging people. (check it out HERE)  Taking things personally is another way we judge people.  If you want to stop, you have to understand that each of us has our own set of beliefs.  We were each raised to accept a certain level of moral standards for ourselves, but with 7 BILLION people on the planet, that is a lot of different beliefs.  If someone doesn't approve of YOUR beliefs, that isn't your business.  It is not your problem either.  It is their own expectations of themselves that cause them to criticize you. 

 If a professional body builder walked up to you and said "you're too weak" would you take it personally?  I wouldn't, because I'm not interested in being a body builder.  It doesn't matter what they think of me, because my life is on a different path.  Mine is a different story, and their opinion doesn't change me.  You need to look at ever single negative comment  in this way.  What that person thinks of you is none of your business, because this is YOUR story, YOUR life, YOUR path.  It doesn't matter if they would do the same, because they have their own story to live out.

From today on, whenever someone says or does something to hurt or offend you, remember that is it not your job to be hurt, it is your job to be the best authentic YOU there is.  You are not a victim unless you allow yourself to be.  You choose to take things personally and you choose to victimize yourself.  That is no ones fault but your own.  Take better care of yourself and stop taking things personally.

Peace, Love, and Happiness

XOXO

Lauren

How To Apologize

We all know that when we do something wrong, or something that hurts another person, it is best to apologize.  Its a lesson we were taught as children.  If you make someone cry or hurt them, you have to say "I'm sorry" to make it all better.  What not everyone realizes is that there are times we should apologize, times we shouldn't, and how to apologize for the correct reasons.

As children, our parents and adult figures drill into our heads the words "Say you're sorry!" when we behave in a way that they do not approve. This is where we learn to say we're sorry even when we don't believe we've done anything wrong.  Its unhealthy to insist a child apologize for something without giving them the exact reason that they should be apologetic.  We are taught that the two words should be enough to sooth any situation that was negative.  As adults, we all know that isn't true.  Saying the words and having an understanding of why you were wrong are two VERY different things.

As we get older we learn the "I'm Sorry!" trick to try and get away from an argument.  It is almost always said out of anger or frustration and never means what the words were intended.  It is more of a white flag in a conversation, a way of saying "I give up!"  It is a negative and extremely unhealthy way of dealing with any type of conflict, and is very immature.  If you are not truly understanding of how you handled a situation wrongly, then you should never utter the words "I'm Sorry."  People who throw the words out carelessly are chipping away at their integrity.  This is an improper negative use of the words "I'm sorry."

I want you all to learn the PROPER use of the words "I'm sorry" and to learn how and when to say it so the meaning doesn't lose its integrity.  Because of the way we tend to overuse our apologies, most people see them as a sign of weakness, admitting defeat, giving up control, or invalidating our opinions.  In REALITY, a correct apology is none of those things.  A correct apology actually has the power to reinforce our opinions while still respecting the other person.

Lets start with what an apology is.  An apology isn't meant to "fix" a situation.  An apology is an acknowledgement of our offense, it is saying "I realize that my behavior was inappropriate."  It is also a promise.  A promise that you know the way you acted was improper and you are not going to continue that behavior.  "I'm sorry" is basically a shorter way of saying "I know that I was wrong in how I behaved, and I promise not to continue that behavior."

When a human is hurt, angry, or frustrated, it is a natural response to become combative and defensive.  In that moment it is easy to get carried away with our words or actions.  After the fact, we need to look back and reevaluate how we spoke, and if something we did or said hurt the other person, and you feel remorseful about it, you can word your apology in a way that still validates how you felt while still acknowledging that your words were improper.  By saying something along the lines of "I am sorry that I spoke to you that way, I was angry and frustrated by the situation, and should not have let my emotions override my better judgement in the words I chose" you are firmly apologizing for your behavior while still holding onto your opinion.

Another big lesson we need to learn is that an apology should never be expected.  You cannot decide when another person should feel remorseful, nor should you bother your peace of mind with nonsense about what you expect of others.  If you stop taking things other people do and say personally, and understand that their actions and reactions only have to do with their thinking and not YOU, its easier to control how you react to a situation, but that is a blog for a different day... Or a whole book.  :)

So with that I urge you to stop withholding the apologies that people deserve due to your own pride.  Give them properly so you do not take away from yourself.  Give them quickly and freely with no expectations.  Its always best to apologizes as soon as possible.  Never, ever, apologize for something that you do not think was inappropriate.  And lastly, do not EVER attach an insult or accusation to an apology.  It takes away all meaning of the apology when you add a negative while trying to form a positive.

And for all of those people that I wasn't kind to through my "bad" years, I truly apologize for any hurt I placed upon you when I was at my lowest.  It was unkind of me to spread my negativity in the way that I did.  I hope you all can forgive me, and know that I am now a completely changed person.

Peace, Happiness, and Forgiveness

XOXO

Lauren

Overactive Empathy and why it's hurting YOU

Overactive Empathy- The point where a person feels empathy so strongly that they can mentally feel what another is feeling without words.  They absorb the energy of those around them and it manifests into emotions.  

For the past 10 years, I struggled with overactive empathy and didn't even realize it.  Most people think its a blessing, but to someone like me, its debilitating and can cause serious stress and depression in your own life.

The difference between Sympathy and Empathy is internal.  To have SYMPATHY for a person means you feel bad that they are in the situation they are in.  You see that they are struggling, you acknowledge that they are in pain, and you understand its not a pleasant place to be, but that is where the connection stops.  To have EMPATHY for a person means you understand what someone is feeling to the point of feeling it yourself.  You take on that person's pain and feel it mentally and sometimes even physically WITH them.

Having an empathetic heart is actually a very good thing.  It helps you understand why people are the way they are.  It helps you become more accepting of people's actions, words, and behaviors because you understand why they are the way they are.  Its the difference between "I feel with you" and "I feel for you" and can really help someone who is in a tough position in life know that they have support.

The point when Overactive Empathy becomes an issue is when you start taking on other people's problems.  They start interfering with your life, your job, your peace of mind, and ultimately your personal happiness. Overactive empathy is also known to cause codependency.  You stop forcing that person to fix their own situation and start handing them the "cure" but in reality you are just enabling them to continue in their situation while YOU struggle to fix it.

My problem was overactive empathy.  I had a friend who found herself in an unhappy life, and I tried and tried and tried to "fix it" for her but in the end I got burnt out as she continued on with her path.  Unfortunately because I never stepped back and stopped trying to HELP her, I ended up enabling her behavior for many years then resenting her for never appreciating or accepting the help.  Was the problem hers?  No.  It was mine all along.  I had no right in trying to fix her situation.  As a friend my job was to listen, respond when questioned, and give advice when asked.  My overactive empathy had me so wrapped up in her life that my marriage, my other friendships, and my family suffered, and absolutely nothing in her life changed.  I didn't save her, I hurt ME.

When you allow yourself to feel emotional pain FOR someone else you are taking away your ability to be happy with your life.  It is not selfish to step away from a situation that takes too much energy from you with nothing in return.

The most common experience is when you come in contact with someone dealing with grief.  When you meet someone who is grieving a loss, it is very easy for an empathetic person to allow others grief to filter into our minds.  We see their pain, and we feel it.  If you don't take a moment to cut it off and remember that it is not YOUR pain to feel, you can become mentally and physically incapacitated.  It can start taking over your life.

To stop being overly empathetic you need to realize when you're doing it.  If you are having a rough day sit back and think about what caused it.  Did a friend or family member suffer a loss, are they feeling pain, are they emotionally unstable?  Do you feel like you need to FIX their situation?  If so, take a moment, step back, and understand that IT IS NOT YOUR PAIN TO FEEL!  Empathy is good, but not when you allow it to override your mental wellness.  Think about what is going on that day in your life directly around you, if none of those things are causing you pain then you need to shut off those receptors to whatever it is that you're feeling.

Also remember that many people do not appreciate and are often uncomfortable with people who are overly empathetic.  When they come into contact with a person like that, many people often feel overwhelmed or even annoyed by someone taking on their pain.

Instead of allowing someone else's pain to invade your life, give them love, give them your happiness by SHARING IT.  Bring a smile to their face.  Make them laugh.  Let them see the beauty in life around them.  Give them a moment of your inner peace to take away from the pain they are experiencing.  THAT is what an empathetic person should do.  GIVE YOUR LOVE AND HAPPINESS AWAY INSTEAD OF TAKING ON SOMEONE ELSE'S PAIN!

Peace, love, and much happiness to you and everyone,
XOXO
Lauren
The happiest woman alive

Why you judge others, and how to stop.

"Judgement definition- the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing"

The art of judgement is something we as people have perfected over the years.  It is not usually intentional, but a series of thoughts put together that create the subconscious thoughts about others behavior or actions.  Lets go back to how those thoughts are created.  

When you are a child you are given rules and your moral base of action.  Your parents, teachers, and other adult influences in your life have bestowed upon you their thoughts of what is acceptable behavior.  The problem is that with 7 billion people on this planet, there are a lot of different beliefs in what is acceptable.  You're taught that if you do something that contradicts those teachings that you are unworthy or "bad".  You live your life following those guidelines and when you come into contact with another person who was taught a different set of moral standards, you immediately compare them to your own.  This is human nature, the act of comparison.  The problem arises when you are unable to accept the other person's beliefs as acceptable and get frustrated or angry with them.

When you come into contact with a person that has different morals or standards in life you immediately compare that action to your own and decide if this is something you would allow yourself to do or say.  If it goes against your teachings, you will almost always think negatively about that person.  Sometimes that judgement comes from an action that you would feel embarrassed by doing.  If you found yourself in their position you would be ashamed, so you look at the person and think that they too should feel shame.  Yet, whose job is it to decide what is acceptable behavior?  If their actions are not harming another person physically or mentally, then what is so wrong about what they are doing?  If it gives them happiness, who are you to decide that they are "bad" for their actions?  

Other times we find ourselves judging a person for their behavior because we feel inferior.  Maybe its someone who got a new job promotion or some sort of recognition that we wanted for ourselves.  We feel unworthy ourselves because of their success so we make an effort to find something wrong with that person to stop the internal feelings of discomfort with ourselves.  It can even lead to times we see ourselves as less of a person because we see their actions and behaviors and deem them as better than we are. We think that if someone else can achieve success in their lives where we cannot, we are not as worthy as they are.

The truth is, we are all worthy of self love.  We are all good enough, even if our actions are not something that others would do themselves.  You need to stop seeing others as "good" or "bad" based on their personal beliefs versus your own.  You would never want another person to label you as such based on their own, so why would even spend a moment doing that to others.  The art of self love is also the art of free love.  You can love others, even when you don't agree with their behavior.  Any moment you spend concerning yourself with the behavior of others, you're just taking away your own inner peace.

To be happy in all aspects of life you have to stop judging others negatively.  See the good in them, accept their beliefs as theirs and yours as your own.  You don't have to change them, and you don't have to change yourself.  YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!  

Much love, and absolutely no judgement!

XOXO

Lauren

The Happiest Woman Alive

Changing the way you see yourself

I had thought that I was only going to write one blog a week, but I think I'm going to put one out as often as they come to mind.  I hope you enjoy this one.  It was a big stepping stone in my life change.

Today, we are going to work specifically on what you think about yourself since this is a journey to YOUR happiness.  There are beliefs we have about ourselves that we use daily as reasoning for our behaviors, positive and negative.  Maybe its something you believe is genetic, or a trait passed down by your parents, but a belief is something that you tell yourself about who you are and why you act the way you do.  Beliefs are not written laws, and you are not bound to them, but you've made a mental decision to follow them based on your upbringing and what you've been taught over the years.

Get out a piece of paper and pen and lets get started.

I want you to think of all of the traits you have that you are proud of.  Write down each personality trait you have had since childhood that you think makes you a good person.  Only write statements that you truly feel represent who you really are.  Write them down as "I am (personality trait here)."  Really look at each statement and feel that sense of personal pride and happiness you get from knowing that is exactly who you are.  Be proud of these statements and that you know what it is in you that makes you AMAZING.

Now I want you to write down the personality traits you're not proud of.  Things that you wish you could change about yourself.  Write these down as "I am" statements also.  Do not try to get too deep with this, just pick a couple of traits you wish you could change, but are unsure of how to do so.  Things that you know are not healthy for your journey to happiness.  I'll give you an example of one of MY negative traits, and then explain how I was able to overcome and conquer it.

During my process I was introduced to a challenge called the Rocking Chair Activity.  I'm not going to go into full detail with it, because it isn't mine to share, but I am going to share how it made me think.  My biggest personality flaw has always been the belief that "I am lazy."  I've had that thought about myself since I was a little girl.  Maybe its something that was told to me over the years so many times that I believed it, or maybe it was an excuse for me to allow myself to continue that said behavior, even though I knew it was wrong, but it was a belief I have held onto for many years.  My coach, Carl Massy, had me sit down and really think about that belief that I've had.  To look back to the past 5 years, and the past 10 years, and see exactly how that belief has manifested into my daily life.  My house was a disaster, we ate fast food more often than I'd like to say aloud, and I spent the majority of every day on my butt on the couch.  I fully believed that I was lazy, therefore I allowed myself to continue the behavior daily, even with the knowledge that it was wrong.

Then Carl told me to look at how that behavior has molded my life today.  I looked around the room and could see exactly what believing I was lazy had done to my life.  I couldn't invite people into my home without embarrassment, I was severely overweight, and I couldn't walk more than 100 yards without being in physical pain.

Next he told me to imagine my life 5 years from now if I did not change that belief about myself.  That was a struggle for me.  To imagine how my life would be now multiplied by 5 years.  Then he said to look 10 years, 20 years, 30 years into the future.  What I saw in my imagination was enough to bring tears to my eyes.  I was not that person, I didn't want to be that person, and I was scared because I knew if I didn't change, that's exactly who I was going to be.

I don't think that I will ever forget how I felt in that moment.  The realization that the belief I held onto caused that much pain was mentally overwhelming.  It was either end up on an episode of Hoarders in 20 years or CHANGE.  That was the moment he told me to write down the exact opposite of that belief.  I wrote down on that paper "I am PRODUCTIVE" but I didn't feel it.  He asked me to say it aloud but I couldn't even do it without feeling as if I was lying to myself, but I said it, repeatedly.  My job from that day forward was to remind myself every single moment I was allowing myself to use that belief as an excuse that I was a productive person, and that I felt good about it.

Jumping forward to today, it is now 11 am and I've made a nutritious breakfast, cleaned my kitchen, did 3 loads of laundry, went to the grocery store, and got in my daily walk of 3 miles.  It makes me feel a sense of pride and happiness knowing that I am doing my absolute best.  I repeat to myself every time I want to go back to that previous belief of being lazy that I am PRODUCTIVE and I feel awesome about it and that being lazy makes me feel horrible.

This is what I want you to do with each of your negative beliefs.  I want you to look at each one and think to yourself how it has molded and shaped your life into what it is.  Then imagine how your life would look 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now if you continue to allow yourself to be that way.  Make a mental decision to change that belief into the complete opposite.  Now think of the exact opposite of that belief.  Write down your NEW belief and repeat it to yourself over and over.  When you start falling back into old habits, take a moment to remind yourself exactly who you are NOW and remember how that belief made you feel.

From this day forward you are not that old belief, you are the new one!  You are exactly who you WANT to be, you only have to remind yourself of that.  These will be your new affirmations in life.  Repeat them to yourself at least 10 times a day until you really feel that its who you are.

Best of luck and I hope that you find this helpful in each day of your life!
Lauren Vento
lauren@thehappiestwomanalive.com

If you'd like to know more about Carl Massy, or the programs he has to offer, please visit his website.  I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't.
Carl Massy's website- http://www.worldsbiggestgym.com/