I think the biggest difficulty people have when trying to better their lives and heal is that they tend to forget we must take responsibility for ourselves. Even for the things we don't feel responsible for. The truth is, if its still making you angry or sad, you have a responsibility to forgive, to forget, to apologize, to accept. If you don't recognize your own part in what happens in your life, you are not going to heal. It hurts when you realize that your stress is mostly your fault, but if you don't realize it, you will never change it. We as humans need to stop getting angry at other people for our emotions and stress. We need to stop being so self-centered that we believe that anyone on this planet does something specifically to hurt is.
It is completely narcissistic to think that you mean so much to another person that they would forgo their own lives, thoughts, beliefs, and issues specifically to do harm to you. The truth is, you're not that important to anyone but yourself. People do things for their own self gratification. Try to find a moment in your life when you did something completely against your will, beliefs, thoughts, and personal gratification simply to harm another human. You wont find one, because everything you do is based on your own feelings. Now understand that no one else on the planet has ever done anything to purposely harm you. Its all been justified in their own mind and has nothing to do with YOU. Even the most abusive people in the world are that way, not because of the person they are abusing, but because in their mind they have a reason. (If someone is abusing you, it is your responsibility to remove them from your life or remove yourself from the situation.)
The reason you are still in pain over the situation is because you haven't taken responsibility for yourself. So someone did something you didn't like, something that hurt you, something that brought you pain. It was your choice to allow that pain to linger. You have allowed that pain to stay with you. You've tortured your own soul with that pain. No one else did that to you. You've done it to yourself. And it is your choice from this moment on if you are going to allow that pain to continue. Once you are aware that it is your choice, you have to make the choice to better yourself, or continue to live in pain. When you make the choice, your life will either get better, or you will continue in pain until you are ready to face your choices.
Don't fear the new pain of taking responsibility. The new pain found in the truth that your life is stressful based on nothing but your thoughts is actually short lived. Its like letting go of a lie. Eventually the pain goes away. Then you forgive yourself and say "I forgive myself for allowing those painful thoughts to continue" and your entire world changed. There is a shift in the way you see everything. Its brighter, more beautiful, more free, more loving. And once you learn to own responsibility and forgive yourself, you can easily forgive everyone else that hurt you, because you will no longer be hurt. You can let it all go. You can love yourself, love your choices. You can love others, even when you didn't think they deserved it before. Stopping the self-pain, the victimizing, is the best healing you will ever do. Believe me. I did it. I am still doing it to this day. I have healed myself, continue to heal myself, and will always be on a path of healing. I have forgiven myself, and the ones who I felt hurt me, not because they asked for it, but because I understand that my pain serves no purpose. There is absolutely no reason to hold pain. Ever. Pain is actually just a lesson you've refused to learn. Learn the lesson and the pain goes away. I swear its that simple. As always, I'm here for you if you need help.
Much Peace, Love, Responsibility, and Self Love.
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive
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