The 10 Steps To Successful Weight Loss Surgery

I’ve been overweight since I was a child.  I’ve also been depressed and angry since then too.

When I decided two years ago that I wanted to finally lose the weight, it wasn’t just because I was tired of being fat.  I had an emotional revelation in which I realized that I was not in control of my own happiness and thoughts.  I knew that I needed to improve my mental health and went on a spiritual mission to change my perspective on life.  I took 18 months to really figure out why my life seemed so difficult, and in that journey I discovered that my mental anguish was the root cause to my weight gain.  I had a long road ahead of me in changing the beliefs I held about myself and the beliefs I held about other people.  Once I discovered and changed those beliefs, I decided it was time to let go of the weight that seemed to be holding me down. 

Most people go the opposite route with their weight.  They think that if they let go of the weight, they will also be letting go of the emotional issues.  Many times those people find that the weight is hard to keep off too.  I fully believe that weight loss surgery should require life improvement therapy too.  The problem is that in our health system, our doctors are only concerned with the physical aspect of our weight, and not the mental.  The treatments have been improving over the years, but I think there is still a long way to go in changing how we look at weight loss, and the benefit of surgery.   

I have spent a good amount of time in the past 11 months since my surgery date really looking at the mental changes that I’ve had to make to be fully successful with my progress.  I have since reached my original goal of losing 130lbs and improved that goal to being physically fit and healthy.  I composed this list of what I believe are the 10 most important actions you need to take to be successful with your weight loss surgery.  I hope you can learn from this, and please feel free to share any additional things you find important in your long term success.

1. Take responsibility for your choices.   You may have had an upbringing that caused you to have a weak belief structure, but you are still responsible for the way you take care of your body and mind.  Blame and shame are easy distractions for your mind to give up on your responsibility in how you got to the point you’re at.  Embrace your mistakes and love yourself.  You can’t get better until you embrace your responsibility and make a promise to yourself to do your best.  You cannot do your best when you make excuses for yourself.  When you take responsibility you are not making excuses for yourself.  Responsibility is a total acceptance of who we are, and focusing on self-love and improving our lives.

2.  Be honest with yourself.  It’s easy to avoid thinking about how you take care of your body every day.  Being honest with yourself is uncomfortable, but your “comfort” is what has lead you to the current state you’re in.  Progress is impossible without discomfort and anyone who’s had weight loss surgery can tell you that “comfort” is not part of the process.  Ask yourself if the choices you’re making are truly making you happy.  If not, change them.

3.   Keep a food journal.  This goes along with being honest with yourself.  An honest food journal will keep track of every bite, taste, lick, and sip.  Everything that goes into your mouth should be on that page.  This isn’t to feel shame or guilt, but to try and find each and every trigger in what is causing your weight problems.  You can’t change your appearance without changing your habits.  So for this, you must understand that writing these things down is only to help boost your progress, not to make you feel ashamed.  You’re already eating these things, so looking at them on a page isn’t going to harm you.  It’s going to help you see what you need to be more focused on.  This is to help teach you how to treat your body well.

4.   Remember that being “skinny” isn’t a solution to emotional turmoil.  It is not going to fix your relationship, make people like you, and get you a raise or a better job.  Your life will not improve because you are thin.  Your life only improves when your outlook improves, and you don’t have to be thin to improve your outlook.  You have to really figure out what in your life needs to improve and work on that separately from your weight.  Weight gain is a side effect from many emotional issues, and you can’t treat a problem by only treating the side effects.

5. Meditate.  You need to learn to calm your mind in moments of extreme stress.  I’ve learned that when I feel overwhelmed I fall back into my old habits of comfort food and inactivity.  Now that I’ve discovered meditation, it helps me get back to the inner calm I need to make better choices.

6.  Educate yourself on proper nutrition.  Many people I’ve spoken to, myself included, try to fit our comfort foods into the list of what we should be eating.  I can tell you that even if you take the bun off a burger, it’s still a burger.  Really learn what your body needs to stay healthy and fit, and realize that food is not strictly for enjoyment, but fuel and nourishment for our body and soul.  Remember how guilty you felt just writing a food journal?  Now if you ate foods that benefit your body, it would be EASY to write a food journal every day.  The one thing I was told in my pre-op class was “Oh, you don’t like to eat _______?  That’s too bad.  But I’m telling you that you need to eat it.”

7.   Don’t deny yourself anything in moderation.  I don’t eat healthy 100% of the time.  No one does, and if they do, they have more self-control than anyone I know.  The key is limitation.  You can indulge in a craving, but if you don’t nourish your body with proper foods more often, you are not going to be successful.  The benefit of surgery is that a lot of the unhealthy foods are difficult to eat, or cause severe discomfort, but that doesn’t last forever for some of us.  We have to keep in mind that head hunger and cravings are not an excuse to treat your body poorly.

8.  Be present.  Every time you make the decision to eat, you have to be present in the decision of what foods you’re going to nourish yourself with.  Imagine what each food choice you make is going to do to benefit your body, and how much of that food is nutritionally valuable for your health.  Picture what your goal is and decide if that food choice is beneficial to your goal.

9.  Move your body.  Physical inactivity is proven to cause anxiety and depression, both of which are difficult to handle while dealing with weight.  When you move your body, in any way, you are not only aiding yourself in weight loss, but in boosting your mental health.  When we make excuses and stay inactive, we are taking away from the progress we could make.  Find a physical activity you enjoy and do it as often as possible.  Also remember that exercise isn’t easy, and it isn’t supposed to be.  That physical strain is actually physical improvement.  The burn is growth.  Embrace it instead of fearing it.

10.  Get help.  If you find yourself struggling with making good choices you need to talk to someone about it.  If emotional turmoil or pain has deterred you from your progress, you need to seek out a professional.  Get a therapist, go to a support group, read a self-help book, or find a coach that can guide you through it.  When you internalize and refuse to move through your emotional pain, you cannot successfully utilize the weight loss tool you have chosen.  This is why so many people regain the weight.  They have not dealt with the emotional and mental side of weight loss and used the surgery as an ineffective solution.  You have to improve your thoughts before you will ever improve your body.

Lauren Vento
The Happiest Woman Alive

Don't You Worry

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”
― Erma Bombeck

There are some people in the world that feel that if they don't WORRY about things, when bad things happen, they won't feel prepared.  Well that's just ridiculous to me.  I know you've heard the saying "hope for the best but plan for the worst", but really?  That is no way to live, walking around every day planning for something to go completely wrong.  If you spend every day thinking that the worst is coming, you will never fully enjoy the present.  You cannot be happy in the moment if you are worried about the future, which you have no control over.

Imagine a man sitting on a park bench.  He has come with an entire first aid kit in preparation for a squirrel to bite him.  He's even ready for it to be a rabid squirrel.  He is sitting on the bench just waiting for it to happen while his family runs around and plays.  He doesn't understand how they can be having fun when there are possibly rabid squirrels running around!  At that point the man next to him, who is feeding the squirrels gets a bite on the finger.  He watches the man stand up, walk to his car, and drive towards the doctors office right up the street.  Do you know what is going to happen?  Nothing, the guy will be fine, but that man sitting on the park bench?  He KNEW it was a possibility!  He was prepared!  But nothing happened to him, it happened to someone else.  He wasted his entire afternoon waiting for something terrible to happen, instead of enjoying his time.  He did know better than to feed the possibly rabid squirrels, unlike the other man, and that should have been enough thought, because that was all he needed to stay safe.  He didn't need to prepare for the worst, he already had the intelligence to avoid the squirrels.  That is what worrying will do to you.  You are already smart enough to avoid bad things happening, and if they still do, you need to learn your lesson and don't go back to feeding the squirrels.  That is IT.  That is how life works.  It doesn't require you to plan for the worst, it requires you to think logically and rationally, and then if something bad happens, take care of it.  If you know that something bad is a possibility, you take the steps you need for any outcome, but other than that, you live your life one day at a time.

Sorry, I had to.

I am going to give you some easy steps to let go of worry, and learn to calm your mind.

1.  Unplug yourself.  Disconnecting from the TV, Phone, Internet, books, or any type of social media is a great place to start.  Its so easy to get caught up in the happenings of everyone else that if you don't disconnect once in a while, you wont give your mind time to calm down.  So turn off whatever electronic you have on, and spend 30 minutes a day with your thoughts.  Listen to where your mind goes, but don't force it.  If it goes to something you are "worried" about, then chose a different thought.  Focus on the beauty of nature around you.

2.  Meditate.  This goes along with unplugging yourself.  When you spend 15 minutes meditating, you learn so much more about the thoughts that are plaguing you.  Go to my posting about meditation to get more insight into what meditation can do for you, and where to start.  Meditation

3.  Make a List of worries.  Go ahead and write them all down.  If you're going to worry about something you need to be specific about what it is.

4.  Now I want you to analyze that list.  Decide which of your worries are "What Ifs" and which are "I need to act on this."  Decide if the specific things you're worried about require action, and if they do, do it now.  If they are things that you are worried about in the future that MIGHT HAPPEN, you need to be rational.  There is a course of events that are going to happen in your life if you worry about them or not.  There is no need to try and predict the future, because unless you have supernatural powers, you can't.  You just have an overactive imagination that you've lost control of.  When unpleasant things happen in life, we deal with them. Spending a moment analyzing something that has yet to happen, and possibly may never happen, is a big waste of time.  So take a look at that list, decide if any of those things need to be acted upon, do them, and then let the rest stay there on the paper.

5. Embrace the unknown.  Worriers are the people who think that the unknown if full of terrible things.  Its not, its completely neutral.  Nothing good or bad has shown its self, but your mind can make them a reality.  If you are constantly worried about getting a cold, you will get a cold.  If you are worried about not having any money, you will find yourself broke, if you worry about your car breaking down, it probably will.  Why?  Because you were so focused on it that your subconscious efforts have created the reality you can't help but think of.  You will notice every little thing that could lead to that worry and you will follow them without even knowing.  Your subconscious will lead you right to those rabid squirrels.  You need to take control of  your thoughts and focus on the GOOD that will happen, so your subconscious leads you to the GOOD things!

6.  Can't stop worrying?  Repeat the worry to yourself over and over until your mind is bored with it, and stops.  If you have bills coming up, and you're worried you can't pay them?  Say "All of my utilities are going to be shut off" and repeat that until your mind recognizes how ridiculous of a thing that is to worry about.  Once you are ready to stop worrying about that change that thought to "I will be able to pay all of my bills" and repeat that at least 10 times.  You've just changed your focus.

7.  TRUST YOURSELF.  Here's the deal, if you're worrying, its because you don't trust yourself to handle whatever stressful situation will arise.  Has that been an issue for you in the past?  Not having the right answer, or making a mistake?  If it has, remember that all mistakes are learning opportunities and nothing more.  You are an intelligent and practical person, which is why you worry, but if you trust in yourself, you will know that you can handle anything that comes your way.  You are perfectly capable!   Here's another analogy for you, thousands of people get into car accidents every single year.  Yet you probably still drive yours because you trust yourself to be safe.  You prepared by getting car insurance, and driving a safe vehicle, but you know that an accident is possible.  You don't worry about it every single second do you?  Of course not, that would be stressful and a waste of time.  Now you need to have trust in yourself that you can handle any situation.  Trust yourself that you can handle anything that comes your way, and you wont feel the need to worry.

You can build up your confidence and be sure that you will know what to do when a situation arises, just like you always have before.  You don't need to spend a moment worrying about things yet to come, because you cannot predict the future, and you don't know what is to come.  You'll be fine, just have a bit of faith!

Love, Peace, and Serenity
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive

THE HARD TRUTH OF HEALING

I think the biggest difficulty people have when trying to better their lives and heal is that they tend to forget we must take responsibility for ourselves.  Even for the things we don't feel responsible for.  The truth is, if its still making you angry or sad, you have a responsibility to forgive, to forget, to apologize, to accept.  If you don't recognize your own part in what happens in your life, you are not going to heal.  It hurts when you realize that your stress is mostly your fault, but if you don't realize it, you will never change it.  We as humans need to stop getting angry at other people for our emotions and stress.  We need to stop being so self-centered that we believe that anyone on this planet does something specifically to hurt is.

 It is completely narcissistic to think that you mean so much to another person that they would forgo their own lives, thoughts, beliefs, and issues specifically to do harm to you.  The truth is, you're not that important to anyone but yourself.  People do things for their own self gratification.  Try to find a moment in your life when you did something completely against your will, beliefs, thoughts, and personal gratification simply to harm another human.  You wont find one, because everything you do is based on your own feelings.  Now understand that no one else on the planet has ever done anything to purposely harm you.  Its all been justified in their own mind and has nothing to do with YOU.  Even the most abusive people in the world are that way, not because of the person they are abusing, but because in their mind they have a reason.  (If someone is abusing you, it is your responsibility to remove them from your life or remove yourself from the situation.)

 The reason you are still in pain over the situation is because you haven't taken responsibility for yourself.  So someone did something you didn't like, something that hurt you, something that brought you pain.  It was your choice to allow that pain to linger.  You have allowed that pain to stay with you.  You've tortured your own soul with that pain. No one else did that to you.  You've done it to yourself.  And it is your choice from this moment on if you are going to allow that pain to continue.  Once you are aware that it is your choice, you have to make the choice to better yourself, or continue to live in pain.  When you make the choice, your life will either get better, or you will continue in pain until you are ready to face your choices.

Don't fear the new pain of taking responsibility.  The new pain found in the truth that your life is stressful based on nothing but your thoughts is actually short lived.  Its like letting go of a lie.  Eventually the pain goes away.  Then you forgive yourself and say "I forgive myself for allowing those painful thoughts to continue" and your entire world changed.  There is a shift in the way you see everything.  Its brighter, more beautiful, more free, more loving.  And once you learn to own responsibility and forgive yourself, you can easily forgive everyone else that hurt you, because you will no longer be hurt.  You can let it all go.  You can love yourself, love your choices.  You can love others, even when you didn't think they deserved it before.  Stopping the self-pain, the victimizing, is the best healing you will ever do.  Believe me.  I did it.  I am still doing it to this day.  I have healed myself, continue to heal myself, and will always be on a path of healing.  I have forgiven myself, and the ones who I felt hurt me, not because they asked for it, but because I understand that my pain serves no purpose.  There is absolutely no reason to hold pain.  Ever.  Pain is actually just a lesson you've refused to learn.  Learn the lesson and the pain goes away.  I swear its that simple.  As always, I'm here for you if you need help.
Much Peace, Love, Responsibility, and Self Love.
Lauren
The Happiest Woman Alive

Stop taking everything personally!

Everyone wants to be happy.  I don't think there is a person on this planet who really enjoys being upset.  The only problem is that sometimes we don't understand WHY things are the way they are.  Someone does or says something negative and all of the hard work we did that day to be HAPPY gets thrown out the window.  Just one negative comment can ruin 24 hours of positive thoughts.  Why is that?  Because humans take things personally.  We automatically process what we hear or see and think of how exactly it was meant for us.

The truth is, even if a comment or negative action IS directed at us, its not necessary to take it personally.  It is our own narcissistic minds that believe that we truly are the root cause for other peoples words and actions.  In reality, it has NOTHING to do with us.  Think about the last time you were in a bad mood.  Did you ever say something to another person that was harsh?  Is it THAT PERSONS FAULT that you chose those words?  Of course not, it was your own anger and criticisms that caused those words to come out of your mouth.  So why would you blame yourself for what other people say?  It is their own thought process that causes them to react in the way they do.

So what I want you to do is start refocusing on how you're going to react when someone says or does something that hurts you.

First off, do not ever assume you know why a person says or does something.  You cannot read minds, and if you can, you don't need this blog.  You have to always remember that people react to their own thoughts, not to yours.  It is what is going on within them that cause them to do or say things that can be taken negatively.  Think about what could possibly have happened in THEIR day/week/month/life that has lead them to this very moment.  Usually, people are cruel or condescending, not because of you, but because of the way they were raised and the events that have taken place in their lives.  They may have poor emotional management skills that have severely hindered their ability to rationally think about what they are doing to another person.  Some people take out their anger by putting it on other people.  None of that is OKAY, but none of it is your fault.  Do not victimize yourself because someone else is having a bad day.  Give them empathy, because you most likely know how it feels too.

My absolute favorite quote on this subject is from don Miguel Ruiz, the author of The Four Agreements.  He says that taking things personally "is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about me... The same way that you are the main character of your story, you are only a secondary character in everybody else’s story.”

He's so completely right.  Everyone else is living their own life.  If they are unhappy, it is not a reflection of YOU because it is not YOUR story.  do not ever let someone else interfere with how you control your mental well being.  If you haven't read it yet, I wrote a nice blog on how to stop judging people. (check it out HERE)  Taking things personally is another way we judge people.  If you want to stop, you have to understand that each of us has our own set of beliefs.  We were each raised to accept a certain level of moral standards for ourselves, but with 7 BILLION people on the planet, that is a lot of different beliefs.  If someone doesn't approve of YOUR beliefs, that isn't your business.  It is not your problem either.  It is their own expectations of themselves that cause them to criticize you. 

 If a professional body builder walked up to you and said "you're too weak" would you take it personally?  I wouldn't, because I'm not interested in being a body builder.  It doesn't matter what they think of me, because my life is on a different path.  Mine is a different story, and their opinion doesn't change me.  You need to look at ever single negative comment  in this way.  What that person thinks of you is none of your business, because this is YOUR story, YOUR life, YOUR path.  It doesn't matter if they would do the same, because they have their own story to live out.

From today on, whenever someone says or does something to hurt or offend you, remember that is it not your job to be hurt, it is your job to be the best authentic YOU there is.  You are not a victim unless you allow yourself to be.  You choose to take things personally and you choose to victimize yourself.  That is no ones fault but your own.  Take better care of yourself and stop taking things personally.

Peace, Love, and Happiness

XOXO

Lauren